So... I did not know that it was possible to feel so bad because of who you are living with. Not in a way that involves fighting or anything like that, but simply living with people who you don't have a connection to. Growing up, I lived with my parents, and when they split up I lived with my mother for many years. After getting tired of moving between my parents every other week, I finally settled at my dad's. What I have started to realise though, is that I want to live with someone who I will feel relaxed and comfortable with. Just imagining how someone very close to me comes home, and I'll be there to welcome them makes me feel happy. When realising it's not reality, it makes me unhappy. More and more I'm longing for a place to call my own... or our own. Somewhere for me and MY family. Not someone else's.
How free and cool wouldn't be to be able to cover the walls with game posters and art which I've chosen myself? How wonderful wouldn't it be to be able to bake 200 cupcakes at 3 am just because you felt like it? Not having to adjust to other people when it comes to time or space. I feel like I'm being suffocated by not feeling relaxed and free where I live now. I don't consider it to be my house as well.
I am, however, very well aware of the complications of moving out. Apart from all the costs and expenses there will be, there is a lot of things to keep track of. What I think is the difference between me and a lot of other people my age, is that I'm already doing most of those things myself. I wash all of my clothing, sheets, towels etc. myself, I clean and cook by myself, I pay for everything apart from food and housing myself and where I live now... I'm mostly by myself.
I have no idea what the near future looks like, but I hope that I will be able to do something about this soon enough, since it's such a big reason for my frustrations at the moment. I'm crossing my fingers that I can sort something out.
