Thoughts on moving

More and more recently, I am having an extreme longing of moving out. I'm currently living with my dad and my stepfamily. I'm not going to dwell in how things are in our house, but we simply don't really have a very strong connection to one another. 

So... I did not know that it was possible to feel so bad because of who you are living with. Not in a way that involves fighting or anything like that, but simply living with people who you don't have a connection to. Growing up, I lived with my parents, and when they split up I lived with my mother for many years. After getting tired of moving between my parents every other week, I finally settled at my dad's. What I have started to realise though, is that I want to live with someone who I will feel relaxed and comfortable with. Just imagining how someone very close to me comes home, and I'll be there to welcome them makes me feel happy. When realising it's not reality, it makes me unhappy. More and more I'm longing for a place to call my own... or our own. Somewhere for me and MY family. Not someone else's.

How free and cool wouldn't be to be able to cover the walls with game posters and art which I've chosen myself? How wonderful wouldn't it be to be able to bake 200 cupcakes at 3 am just because you felt like it? Not having to adjust to other people when it comes to time or space. I feel like I'm being suffocated by not feeling relaxed and free where I live now. I don't consider it to be my house as well.

I am, however, very well aware of the complications of moving out. Apart from all the costs and expenses there will be, there is a lot of things to keep track of. What I think is the difference between me and a lot of other people my age, is that I'm already doing most of those things myself. I wash all of my clothing, sheets, towels etc. myself, I clean and cook by myself, I pay for everything apart from food and housing myself and where I live now... I'm mostly by myself. 

I have no idea what the near future looks like, but I hope that I will be able to do something about this soon enough, since it's such a big reason for my frustrations at the moment. I'm crossing my fingers that I can sort something out.

Real Gamer Girls?

It seems like the discussion of gamer girls is endless. Deciding whether females that pose with their controllers on facebook are to be considered gamers or not, seems to be one of the hottest topics of all times. At least this goes for the female gaming communities that I'm somehow part of.

I'm aware of the fact that I have been judging people that I've seen online only by their pictures or posts (I guess that's the only way to actually be judgemental online, lol). I've been seeing pictures of girls posing half naked with their controllers or posting "Omg omg! Ding 32 in World of Warcraft!" and seen them as wanna-be gamers or posers. Growing up with brothers constantly playing games, and myself trying them all out, it used to be hard for me to accept girls who would do their best to seem like they know what they're talking about just to receive attention from guys.

I've been asked multiple times if I am a gamer, or if I consider myself to be one. During the years I've mainly replied with a "no", since I don't play nearly as much as most people I know. Getting more involved in games and LAN communities contributed to a greater knowledge of games as well as playing more. Being surrounded by "gamers", I felt like I really became a part of it, and I was proud to be labelled as one. Today however, I know that I don't play as much as the people around me again. Whether it has to do with being busy or just not feeling like it, I don't know. Am I still a gamer? I'm not even sure myself. I know that most people I know would consider me to be one, although I'm not sure if that is how I see myself at this point in life.

To get back to the topic, this is why I changed my way of looking at things. Why should I judge someone for wanting to be part of the gaming community? I may not have posted pictures of myself with every console that I've ever owned, but why would that give me right to neglect someone else from getting involved? The reason for posting those pictures or texts may be due to wanting attention, but it may as well be because the person thinks games are incredibly cool or wanting to get involved in the same interests as friends. By considering it a privilege to be called a gamer, less people will be motivated to join in, which becomes an obstacle for the community to grow. By preventing the growth, the gaming industry will take longer to be accepted by the mass, and the mass wanting to get involved closes this circle.Would it make me less of a gamer if I took pictures with my Steelseries headset whilst licking my Xbox controller? No, it wouldn't make me less or more of a gamer.

Even though I sometimes still feel irritated by people who pose as gamers, I try to look at it from a bigger perspective. Let people pretend, and they may end up interested for real, allowing the gaming industry to expand.

Paying off

After spending a lovely valentine's day with my dear boyfriend (involving Japanese lunch, a really awesome dinner, and birds with blue feet), today seems to be a really nice day as well!

To start off, I received a call this morning from a company for which I had attended a job interview earlier this week. I was informed that another employee of the company was going to call me later the same day. Not sure if I had gotten the job or not, I received yet another call a few hours later. This time I got confirmed that I am now employed by the company! Happi faces!! I haven't quite grasped this yet, but I am extremely happy that I'm given this opportunity. The work involves working at different super markets around Stockholm, which I think seems really fun to be honest. I love anything that has to do with helping customers, although I realise I probably won't think so in a few weeks time.

I'm really happy that this is happening at this point. For the past few years I've applied for several jobs without any progress. I might not have been the most efficient or consistent job searcher, but getting some kind of reward feels really good. Even if I had only gotten to do the job interview without any further luck, I would have felt happy to at least have reached that far.

I'm also really glad to say that this week is by far one of the best I've had in a very long time! So far things have just been amazing! I got a job, I started lecturing a few children in Swedish, had a wonderful valentine's day, had very nice discussions with a friend all day today and am looking forward to watching films with friends tonight. I wish I could take the joy I'm feeling and spread it to people who might not have the best of days today.

Thank you to anyone who's helped to make my week awesome! You are all lovelies!

xoxo

Valentine's day

I realise that I haven't written anything here since may last year. Time really flies by ~

A few days ago or so, I started to feel an urge to write about my thoughts on different topics. For now, this blog will have to do, although I have actually considered making videos on youtube. I am, however, not sure how I would handle the extremely critical audience which that part of the internet brings.

So since it's valentine's day tomorrow, I think it is a relevant topic for today's post. I know that a lot of people feel anxious about this day of the year, since it puts so much focus on people in relationships. Either it can be stressful if you have to come up with awesome presents or date ideas, or it can make people feel lonely or down because they have no partner. What I do think is the most important though, is to remember that it's just like any other day of the year, and therefore not get crazily high expectations.

Being on the phone with my boyfriend today, he asked me if this is a special day to me. My reply was a mix between "not really" and "maybe". For some reason it actually made me quite confused. It's not a big deal in such a way that I expect it to be perfect with hundreds of roses, romantic dinners and chocolate. Not even a little bit. To be honest I think all that stuff is rather cheesy. However, I'm not going to lie. I like valentine's day. It's a great day to show people some good old lovin'. I like valentine's day because it's just another opportunity to show my appreciation to others. So I guess my answer would be that it is an important day to me, although I'd prefer not admitting it.

When it comes to people who feel down or sad because it's a "couple's day", remember that it is what you make it. Hell, if you want to make your cat your valentine, do so! I even think I did last year... It's like any other day of the year, although love and caring can be highlighted more than usual. If you know me well enough, you will know that I think it's extremely important to tell people how you feel about them, and how much you appreciate them.

Happy valentine's day! <3

Role model

For quite a long time I've been trying to figure out who my favourite Protoss player is in Starcraft II. I already have favourites when it comes to Terran and Zerg, which are Thorzain and Flo as Terrans, and TLO and IdrA as Zergs. There are however, quite a few awesome protoss players out there as well. White-Ra, for eg. who should be something of a role model to anyone who plays SC when it comes to manners. Although I've felt the need to obtain a favourite toss player for quite a while.

Only today did I realise that what I've been looking for has been infront of me this entire time. It's an easy answer to a tricky question. It's someone that inspires me to become better at the game, and who never fails to encourage me to continue. He really is a role model to me, and a great player as well - my older brother. I will refer to him as Broken for now though.

The person who introduced me to the amazing world of Starcraft. Not once has he told me that I'm doing bad or disencouraged me in any way. Thank you! Eventhough you'll never read this (most certainly since I know you don't read blogs), I'm very thankful! I'm proud to call you my brother, and I think that as long as you want to, you will go far as a player.

Keep fighting!

What I'm doing lately

So this is what I've been up to lately. I have a huuuuge art project for school that is due in a little more than a week's time. I was originally supposed to make an art book throughout the year, but have been slacking quite a bit too much. Therefore I'm lucky if I will be able to contribute with three pictures, and a layout for the book. Can't really do much about it now, althought I probably shoul've organised the work scedual better etc. etc. So not alot of Starcraft for me until my graduation unfortunatly. 

xoxo

Wishlist

Just felt like updating with my wishlist of computer accessories!

I have the smallest Steelseries mousepad right now. It's too small, but the surface is awesome!

Razor Blackwidow Ultimate. Words cannot describe how awesome I think this keyboard is. Wishing for this for my graduation. <3

Bamboo Intous 4 Large. The tablet I've been wanting for years. It's really smoothe to draw with!

The Protoss hoodie from Jinx!!! This is what I'd want to wear for my graduation cermony, instead of all that fancy stuff!

Recently I realised how amazing the design of this hoodie is! Team Dignitas knows how to do it! I'd love to be able to design team shirts like this in the future. I'd love to wear it!

That is all for now! 

xoxo